It’s about time for my semi-annual apology for slacking off.
I’m barely keeping up with day-to-day life. I’m tired of making excuses on my blog and social media about where I’ve been and why I can’t seem to be the supermom I really thought I would be. I keep thinking ‘when things get back to normal’ I’ll be able to get back to my old life and then have a moment of clarity where I finally realize and momentarily accept that ‘oh dear god this is my normal now’.
This is usually followed by me making lots of lists to help with organizing my life. Lists of groceries to buy. Lists of healthy meals to make. Lists of chores to get done during nap times. Lists of what needs to be done for our plumbing business. Lists of what needs to be done for my blog. Then once I have the lists made up, I try to do a schedule. Because, life with a baby is so predictable that a schedule makes perfect sense. Then Jonas wakes up from his nap and I throw all the lists and halfhearted schedule into the recycling bin.
I should really take out that recycling. I better add that to the list. Oh wait.
I really thought I’d be a great supermom. I thought I’d be able to juggle it all: working, blogging, cooking, cleaning, exercise, self-care … oh and caring for an infant, too. But apparently I’m not a supermom. The thing is, I don’t know if you can train yourself to be a supermom. If there’s some methodology that you might know about, please share it in the comments. This wannabe supermom would love to learn. I miss feeling with-it.
Before baby I was pretty awesome at multi-tasking. I worked full-time, ran our business, and still kept busy with the blog. All while living in the thick of a huge home renovation where I had no kitchen. Remember those days? Ahhh, what I wouldn’t give for that kind of chaos again.
Some days I feel like I accomplished nothing. The house doesn’t look any cleaner than when I started tidying 8 hours before. The supper I put on the table is no longer something I can photograph and feel pleased about my clever creativity. I have kind of let myself go in the whole hair-and-makeup department unless it’s a really special outing. You know you’re a close friend if you get to enjoy me in all my au naturel splendour.
So here I am again to say that I’m sorry. Not much happening for new recipes lately. Not even much that I feel like I can share about parenting because I am not sure I even know what the hell I am doing most days. I had silly visions of grandeur about posting about fashion and beauty. Because, let’s be real here, I haven’t changed out of stretchy pants in nearly 10 months. And travel? Well, unless you count the few trips to see family in the neighbouring province, that’s about as exciting as it’s been these days.
I don’t even know how I found time to write all of this. By some sweet miracle, Jonas is napping long this morning. (Probably has something to do with the fact that he didn’t go to bed until midnight last night and was up for an hour at 3:30 am.)
Yes, I’ve let life get away from me. But maybe it’s not so bad. After all, I’m working on a project of a lifetime – that will last a lifetime – and it requires my full attention. I like to think Jonas will appreciate that. Come to think of it, I’d give up my put-together life time and again for this messy, confusing and sometimes scary new life I’m living.
Thanks for hanging in with me folks. I am not even going to try to make a half-hearted promise of new content coming soon. If I get to it, I get to it.